Mainstream Primary Schooling Your Special-Needs Child

INTRODUCTION

FINDING YOUR PATH

There is nothing like the moment of having a suspected diagnosis confirmed. The future you imagined suddenly shifts, and you find yourself at the beginning of an unexpected journey. The roadmap you thought you’d follow – including how your child would transition to school and the educational choices you’d make – transforms into something entirely different. What once seemed like simple decisions now become complex considerations that touch every aspect of your child’s development and wellbeing.

Approaching primary school with a special-needs child requires an enormous amount of research, planning and advocacy. It is a time of heightened emotions that will test and transform you and your family in ways you could never have imagined.

The decision to mainstream your child is perhaps one of the most significant you will make. It’s filled with hope, doubt and countless questions: Will they thrive or merely survive?

Will they make friends? Will teachers understand them? Will the school truly accommodate their needs? These questions keep us awake at night as we decide what’s best for our children. 

As parents, we bring our own educational experiences to the table. Most of us carry vivid memories of our primary school years – the excursions we went on, the teachers who inspired us, the friendships formed in playgrounds.

School has changed dramatically since we were children. The curriculum is fuller, teaching methods have evolved, and thankfully, schools are generally more inclusive. Yet our own experiences inevitably colour our expectations and fears for our children.

Mainstreaming your special-needs child is not for the fainthearted. It requires thought, work and persistent advocacy. But the rewards – seeing your child participate in school events, learn to read, make friends or achieve goals that once seemed impossible – bring a special kind of joy that parents on this path understand deeply.

This book isn’t about finding perfection – nothing is perfect. It’s about creating a fulfilling educational experience for your child while preserving your sanity and finding moments of celebration along the way. It’s about building a community that understands and supports both you and your child through this journey.

Why I wrote this book

My life changed when we received our child’s diagnosis, and it continued to shift in unexpected ways as the years unfolded.

When he was two-and-a-half our firstborn, Remy, was struggling to say words. The kindergarten educator suggested he see a speech pathologist who, after a session or two, recommended we visit a paediatrician. We waited a few months to see one, and from the moment we walked in the door for that first appointment, our family and lives changed.

Remy was diagnosed on the spot with autism spectrum disorder (ASD). Through the extensive diagnosis process it was confirmed as ASD level 3 with an intellectual disability and severe communication challenges.

Remy’s diagnosis came as a surprise to me and is something I have found difficult to discuss over the years (maybe that is why I am writing about it instead). When we first received the diagnosis, I understood its significance, but many well-meaning people would say, ‘Oh, he’ll be high-functioning’ without really understanding what that means or the reality of what we were dealing with. I have also heard people say, ‘Everyone’s a little bit autistic’, which is not only inaccurate but undermines the significant challenges we face. These comments, though often well-intentioned, can feel dismissive of our lived experience.

My husband had some disability in his extended family, so he entered this journey with slightly more awareness than I did. In contrast, I have had to learn everything from scratch. I have discovered how much I didn’t know and how much I still have to learn. While I tend to avoid well-intentioned but sometimes overwhelming Facebook groups, I do read widely in this area, both for personal understanding and professional knowledge. The learning curve has been steep, but necessary, and continues to evolve as my child grows and his needs change.

The early days after diagnosis were consumed with early intervention and following professional recommendations. We got on to the National Disability Insurance Scheme (NDIS) fairly swiftly and started early intervention with speech pathology and occupational therapy (OT). As the mother, and an organised one at that, I became the one coordinating everything – the appointments, the therapies, the paperwork – all while working full-time. Over time, my work and career had to evolve, sometimes by conscious choice and sometimes because circumstances pushed me onto a different path. I rebranded myself professionally and changed my work significantly to ensure I could be at the school gate every morning and afternoon. Though there were tough times, I prioritised our family over traditional career progression.

A few years after Remy’s diagnosis, when we felt more settled in our new reality, we were ready for another child. Remy now has a younger sister, which has brought additional joy and complexity to our family dynamics.

Remy attended both mainstream and special kinder programs. He got so much from the various programs he attended. We also appreciated the communities that both offered us, especially as we were coming to terms with Remy’s diagnosis and working out what was going to be the best path for him.

My husband and I felt passionately about Remy attending a mainstream school. We had both gone to the local primary school and felt that the world had changed a lot since we went to school. In all honesty, we thought being around children who talked would encourage him to talk more (spoiler alert – it hasn’t). We wanted the most typical childhood possible for him, believing that a more ‘normal’ childhood would lead to a more normal life.

With my mother having been a high school teacher, I have always deeply valued education. I loved school growing up and fantasised about my own children having that same positive experience. We wanted him to have local friends and that picture-perfect primary school experience that many parents dream of.

We have had a great primary school experience for Remy. Seriously, great, but not perfect – nothing is perfect.

Over the years, many people have asked me about our experience as either their child is about to go through it, or from a general interest perspective. I have met a variety of parents in different stages of this journey who are having a variety of different experiences.

So many factors have played a part in Remy’s school experience – from the great teachers he has been lucky enough to have, the friends he has made, to the school itself, to the professionals who have supported him and us, his parents.

I thought I would share some of the lessons we have learned over the years and how we have made the experience work for us. 

 

What you will find in this book

This book was written for parents and caregivers of special-needs and additional-needs children. It will be relevant to parents of children with or who are suspected to have attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), autism spectrum disorder (ASD), developmental coordination disorder (DCD)/dyspraxia, dyslexia, dyscalculia and dysgraphia. It will also be relevant to parents of children with additional speech, language and communication needs; developmental delays; physical disabilities (mobility, fine motor skills, visual impairments and hearing impairments); medical conditions such as epilepsy, diabetes and asthma; chronic fatigue syndrome; and mental health conditions including anxiety, depression and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD).

This book is for parents and caregivers who are considering mainstream primary schooling (public, catholic or independent) or those who are already mainstreaming their child. I hope you will find in this book :

• A cheerleader who says if you want to do this, you can
• Many practical tips and ideas relevant to your experience
• Words of wisdom by others who are mainstreaming their special-needs children or working in this area.

This book is not an exhaustive guide, but I hope it covers the main things you will deal with during the experience. I’ve written about the topics I talk about in detail with other parents in my life; the things I would want to share with a friend who has a special-needs child who is about to start mainstream schooling.

Throughout this book , I’ve chosen to use terms such as ‘special needs’ and ‘neurodiversity’ more frequently than ‘disability’. This choice doesn’t aim to minimise or deny the real challenges your child faces, but rather recognises that many parents reading this book may be at different stages of their journey.

Coming to terms with your child’s diagnosis often involves a gradual process of understanding and acceptance. The word ‘disability’ can feel confronting when you’re still processing what your child’s condition means for their future. This isn’t about avoiding reality or engaging in euphemisms. This book is about meeting parents where they are in their journey.

As you and your child grow in confidence and understanding, your relationship with terminology may evolve. Many families eventually embrace disability-first language – which emphasises the disability as a central part of a person’s identity – as part of accepting and advocating for their child’s needs. Whatever terms resonate most with you and your family are valid. 

 

Accepting your child’s diagnosis

Everyone processes the news of a diagnosis differently, and there is no right or wrong way to handle it. As I found in my own experience, I needed time to process (and, depending on the day, I might say I am still processing it!) before sharing the news with others. I consciously chose not to dive into Google searches or Facebook groups immediately. Instead, I focused on accepting and understanding my new reality and getting on with supporting my child.

One book that profoundly resonated was Special by Australian mother and journalist Melanie Dimmitt. Melanie captures how parenting a child with special needs, while different from what we might have expected, is filled with its own joys and meaningful moments. Her insights help illuminate how you can find contentment and purpose in this altered life path, showing that while it may not be what you planned, it can be equally rich and fulfilling.

The reality is that the diagnosis itself won’t change, so the sooner you can come to terms with it, the better it is for everyone involved – especially your child. This doesn’t mean you are giving up; rather, it means you are choosing to channel your energy into productive actions and support. Like many parents who are on this journey, I had minimal experience or knowledge of the realities of disability before my child was diagnosed so this has all been a learning experience for me.

Each day brings its own challenges and wins. Accepting your child’s diagnosis allows you to be more present for both celebrating the positives and navigating the difficulties with greater resilience. 

 

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Buy Alicia Cohen's book, Mainstream Primary Schooling Your Special-Needs Child here.